On 12/05/2009,

the day i will nv forget..
that is my ah ma death date...

A day that i really dunno what to do..
A day that my mind was all about her...
A day that i saw my mum, and aunt who were close to her that cry and break down badly ever.
A day that my tear Stop and heart was bleeding hard..
A day that i regret alot..
A day that i nv ever though it will come..

the day itself..

preparing her funeral and ask the person in charge of setting up the tent stuff before her body was send back to her block down stair..
When ah ma's body carry back..settle down her body everything.. it's around 4am...

from that day onward i told my uncle i will help them to look after the coffin every night till the next day morning...until 10 or 11am went back home to get some rest or slp..but cant...
hardly can gt to slp..
haiz..
my mind is all about my ah ma....

in the past..
i did told her that i want to learn how to cook from her..
cus when i'm young she did alot of nice food for us ( my bro and sis too ) to eat..
then i have this though that i wanted to learn from her..
but i din really find the time to learn from her...

this is one of the regret that i din do....
haiz..

other regret that is

When she was in the hosptial every night i went down shuo ya..till the next day morning ard 8 i went back home or get shower and go sch...
in the afternoon when i'm in sch, she was looking for me.. but i'm not at her side..
the 2nd time they told me ah ma is better le.. so it's ok dun need everyday come down and look after her.. i can go back home and rest..
but that night she look for me again.. but i not there again...
11pm her condition turn worst..was to CCU...
2 time when she look for me..i'm not there...

what a UNFILIAL grandson i am...
how i wish that she will wake up and give me a slap..

One day my mum told me when we was burning incense.. she told me one thing...
" next time i unable to call ah ma again anymore..."
when i heard that my heart sunk down again.......
haiz......

every night..i will stand beside the coffin look at her.. when no one was looking at me..my tear will start to roll down..and the thing that i nv ever will think of it in the past all came to my mind...

eg..
when i'm young use to cane by my mum she will come and hug me.. protect me from my mum...

all this we will tend to forget or even dunno about it...
till someone past away it will all come in though our mind.....

the day that my ah ma was going to huo hua...
i really hate the feeling that she really going off.. that i unable to see her anymore..
alot alot of thing came in my mind...

till now..
i still dunno what to do.......




Thank Message:

THANK to those who came down to my ah ma's funeral..

Adrian,Yang and kel.. really thank alot accompany me on those night till the Morning..

Thank for those who sms me to cheer me up..

THank those who being at my side..

I really really grateful about it....

to silly..i know u dunno what to say..but still thank.....